when the gales of November come early (kishmet) wrote,
when the gales of November come early
kishmet

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FIC: Changed


Title: Changed
Author: Kish
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Pairing: MomoKai
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: This is the first in a series of drabbles in this timeline, the rest of which I may or may not post. We'll see!


It happens one night when Kaidoh and Momo are lying together in Momo’s bed. They do this sometimes after they have sex, for one reason or another. They stay all tangled together and sometimes they kiss and sometimes they talk and sometimes they argue, although they’re not really mad. Sometimes when this happens Kaidoh thinks that Momoshiro isn’t just an idiot who eats and sleeps. Sometimes when this happens Momoshiro thinks that Kaidoh isn’t just a bastard who hisses at everyone.

But this time after they kiss a few times, Momo is feeling sleepy and warm and comfortable even though they’ve both still got semen and sweat all over them. He doesn’t mean to say it, not really, or maybe he does. Either way, not even thinking about it, he lets out a sighing “Love you.”

Kaidoh pulls back instantly, recoiling like a turtle pulling into its shell. He stares at Momo, who already realizes that he’s said something wrong. Momo wonders, half-panicking, if he can pass it off as a joke, if he can brush it off like he always would. The problem is...

The problem is, he can’t do it this time, because he thinks that he meant it. Kaidoh thinks that he meant it. And that makes it different. It’s not a joke, and they both know that it’s not, that it can’t be while they’re like this in bed together.

So Momo just pulls his leg out from between Kaidoh’s calves and takes his hand off of Kaidoh’s waist and rolls over so that he’s looking at the wall. Kaidoh is quiet for a minute, and then Momo can hear him roll over to face away too. They lay there in the dark, not even bothering to clean themselves up now because it’s easier just to be silent and pretend to sleep.

***

Everything changes after that, even though no one on the outside would notice if they weren’t looking for it. Momo and Kaidoh still have sex, but afterwards they don’t talk or kiss anymore. Whenever they argue it’s for real nowadays, not playing. When they’re not arguing or having sex they ignore each other, uncomfortable and edgy, because it’s simpler that way. But both of them are always thinking about the other anyway, because they can’t help it.

Kaidoh wonders if Momo really did mean what he said. He doesn’t know if he wants it to be true or not. Sometimes he stares in the mirror for a long time, wondering what would have happened if he’d said something back. Maybe not “I love you too,” because that would have made it just as weird, but maybe a muttered “baka” and a light slap, the teasing kind that means “I love you too” with the two of them. Maybe then they would have had the chance to keep things the way they were. Kaidoh liked things the way they were. At least he thinks he liked things the way they were. Now he’s not sure anymore what he likes and what he wants.

Momo wonders what would have happened if he’d never said what he said. He’s not sure what he wanted Kaidoh to say, only knows that he maybe wanted some kind of answer. He lays on his bed by himself for hours, staring at the ceiling and wondering what would have happened if he’d done something different, if he’d laughed at himself after saying that “love you” or something. He wants everything to be exactly how it was, because it was nice that way. Although maybe, he thinks, the reason he said it was because he wanted things to be different, somehow.

They both know that nothing will ever be the same again.

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