Note: For prillalar, whose birthday I forgot. I then asked her to request a fic; she asked for Momo and Kaidoh and lime popsicles. This is the result. Happy Belated Birthday! :)
Kaidoh sometimes thought that Momoshiro’s reason for living was to annoy him. Everything Momo did irritated him, although Momo once claimed that only about half of it was on purpose. Kaidoh thought that was a low estimate.
“Hang on, I have to finish this,” Momo said as Kaidoh walked up. Momo was sitting on a bench outside of the restaurant where they’d planned to have dinner. He was eating a bright green popsicle.
Kaidoh sat down on the bench too, and looked at Momo as though he was crazy. “We’re going to have dinner, and you’re eating that?”
“Uh-huh,” said Momo, mouth full of popsicle. “I ushungey.” Kaidoh thought that meant “I was hungry,” although he wasn’t completely sure.
“Of course,” Kaidoh snorted. He leaned back with a disgusted look on his face. Then he glanced over at Momo.
Momo wasn’t eating the popsicle exactly. He was practically molesting the stupid thing. He licked all the way along it, slowly. Then he put it halfway in his mouth and pulled it out again like a little kid with a lollipop, but Momo didn’t look like a little kid when he did that.
“Stop that!” Kaidoh snapped, glaring as though he thought he could kill Momo with his eyes.
“Huh?” Momo asked, blinking at him. A trickle of green juice ran down from the corner of his lips to his chin.
Kaidoh wanted to lick it but didn’t. He reached out and wiped it away instead, roughly and with the back of his hand. “You’re making a mess.”
“It’s a popsicle, you’re supposed to make a mess,” said Momo. He held it out toward Kaidoh. “What, d’you want a bite?”
“No!” Kaidoh said, crossing his arms and looking away.
Momo shrugged and started eating again. Kaidoh tried not to look at him. Momo made a happy “mmm” sound that was almost like a moan.
“Dammit!” Kaidoh got up and stalked away toward his house. Momo watched after him, gnawing thoughtfully on the popsicle stick. He wondered if he should still go into the restaurant, or just go home to eat.
The stupid things were always green. Kaidoh didn’t know if they were lime or apple or what, and he didn’t really care. Momo probably had a box of them or something, but of only green ones? Even Hazue ate more than one popsicle flavor. Who the hell ate only green popsicles?
Well, Momo, apparently. He was eating another one when he came to meet Kaidoh in the park. It was the fourth one Kaidoh had seen him with in three days. Kaidoh decided that he hated green popsicles.
“Mm, these things are good,” said Momo, sounding like he was at the gates of heaven.
Kaidoh eyed him. “Is this one of those half of the time things?”
“What?” Momo sounded genuinely confused.
“Never mind,” said Kaidoh gruffly. He willed Momo to finish the popsicle as fast as possible. Of course, that didn’t happen. With everything else Momo was like a human vacuum cleaner. These things were the only things Kaidoh had ever seen him savor slowly.
Momo went through his whole licking routine, which he always did at first. Then he’d put it in his mouth and wait for it to melt a little, then he’d take it out and lick it again. Then he’d let it melt again, but by this time the whole thing was already melting, so it dribbled onto his hands and face. Then he’d lick those to get the juice off. Kaidoh despised the whole performance, but it was almost impossible for him not to watch.
Today Kaidoh was impatient, though. So once Momo had been at it for ten minutes, Kaidoh snapped, “Finish, already!”
Momo pulled the popsicle out of his mouth. It was only about halfway gone. “Well, I can’t yet, look.” He held it up. “See? It’s only-”
Momo never got to say the rest of it. Kaidoh grabbed the popsicle, and squished what was left of it in his hand. It was disgusting, but he hadn’t really thought about it much before doing it. A big chunk dropped off onto the ground, and then another one.
Momo stared at the remains of his popsicle, then turned a furious look on Kaidoh. “What the hell?” He lunged at Kaidoh, as angry as Kaidoh had ever seen him.
They left the park looking like they’d been in a fight in the back of an ice cream truck.
Three days later, Kaidoh knocked on Momo’s door. Momo opened it. “Oh yeah, we’re doing homework today, right?”
“Yeah.” At least Momo didn’t have a popsicle in his mouth this time. Kaidoh thought he could still see a light green stain on Momo’s face from their last fight, though. They’d never actually apologized for that. It had been enough time that they didn’t have to anymore, though.
“My parents aren’t home or anything,” Momo added. Kaidoh nodded and stepped inside.
“You want anything to drink?” Momo asked. He headed straight for the kitchen, as usual.
Kaidoh followed him, even though he wasn’t really hungry or thirsty. “No thanks.”
Momo opened the fridge and surveyed what was inside. Then he closed it. “Mind if I have a snack?”
“No,” said Kaidoh. It wasn’t worth saying that he did mind, because Momo would just laugh at him and have a snack anyway.
Momo opened the freezer. He pulled out something in a white wrapper. Kaidoh tensed and told himself that no, this time Momo wouldn’t be eating one of those stupid green popsicles. Not even Momoshiro was that much of an idiot after what had happened last time.
Momo carefully unwrapped a bright green popsicle. T shot Kaidoh a cheeky grin. “I was saving this ‘til you came over. It’s the last one.” And Kaidoh suddenly knew that this was one of those half of the time things that Momo was doing on purpose.
Kaidoh reached out an arm and snatched the popsicle, this time being careful to get the stick. Momo let out an indignant squawk and grabbed Kaidoh’s shirt, not letting him step away. So Kaidoh did the only thing he could possibly do: he ate the popsicle. The whole thing disappeared, all in one bite. It wasn’t easy, because Momo was shaking him, but Kaidoh managed not to choke.
Momo let go of Kaidoh’s shirt when he saw that his snack had been eaten. “You stupid-!”
Kaidoh dragged Momo into a violent kiss, shoving a piece of popsicle into Momo’s mouth with his tongue. That made Momo shut up. He coughed and sputtered.
Kaidoh thought about throwing the popsicle stick onto the floor, but of course he couldn’t do that. So he walked over and threw it away in the trash can. Then he stood there glaring at Momo. He wasn’t exactly satisfied, because the popsicle had tasted awful. It was lime after all, the terrible artificial kind. But at least it was gone, which was all that mattered.
“That was my last one,” Momo said sulkily.
“I don’t care,” said Kaidoh. And it was true. He didn’t care if they stopped manufacturing those lime green popsicles altogether.
“Well, fine!” Momo stomped back over to the freezer. He opened it. Then he turned to Kaidoh with a glint in his eye that Kaidoh knew meant trouble. “Hey, guess what?”
“What?” asked Kaidoh, even though he didn’t really want to know.
“We still have purple ones.”
Kaidoh found out that he hated purple popsicles just as much as green ones.